Weekly Meeting: Modern Romance

Modern Romance
Modern Romance

This week I am discussing Modern Romance, which you should read.  No, really!  Of all the books we have discussed, I really think more people should read Modern Romance.


  • None

What you should know:

  • This is non-fiction
  • This is not a memoir
  • This is a comedian writing about research he and a sociologist did about (as the title suggests) modern romance.


I am very excited to have discussion questions this week.

1- How have cell phones changed the conventions of modern dating? Overall, despite some of the drawbacks that Ansari points to in Modern Romance, would you say our instant texting and communications make the dating scene better or worse…or, basically, no different.

Can I be honest, I hate dating.  I hate it so much.  No, I am not even looking for a soul mate (I am convinced I am my own soul mate!).  I am not looking for marriage or even a long-term relationship.  These are not things I want from my life.  Yet, I want more than a hook-up.  I am convinced there is something between the two that it is OK to want.  I just don’t have a name for it.

Cell phones are both the tool representing the change in modern dating and the reason it has changed.  Our ability to be constantly connected and looking is new.  We don’t have to limit ourselves to our geographic area, a bar, an interest, or even to a specific time of day.  When I am in the mood to deal with online dating, I often stick to things I can do on my phone.  Then I get annoyed and leave it alone for a while.

It is why I get annoyed and Ansari hit it on the head.  People are idiots on their phones.  Yes, we overthink what is happening on the other side of the conversation.  We over react when a response takes too long.  We play competitive games to see who can one-up the other.  That’s not what annoys me.  It is the nature of process to lead up to overthinking things.  What annoys me (and again, Ansari discovered it) is how men act when they are online.  They have no filter, no limit, and no shame.

Actually, the Straight White Boys Texting Tumblr pretty much sums up the #1 problem with cell phone dating apps.  Beware- these can get nasty.

2- What do you think of the millenials’ preference for texting rather than actually talking on the phone?

Do people really enjoy talking on the phone?  I don’t think it’s that millenials enjoy texting rather than talking.  I think they are just better at texting.  Some people like to talk on the phone.  I don’t love it, but I do it.  I would rather text.  What annoys me is when, in a 30-second time period, 30 texts come in.  It’s annoying (this message is specifically for my family who does exactly this).  I think if more people took the time to get comfortable with texting, they would find it preferable to talking on the phone.

Who will like:

  • No, seriously.  If you like sociological topic books (how society works, why society does/does not work, what the hell is going on with us, etc), you will like this book.
  • If you are curious about how relationships, finding love, etc have changed over the last 70+ years, you will enjoy this book.
  • If you want to understand how text messaging, online dating, apps, and more are shifting society (in good and bad ways), you will enjoy this book.
  • If you find Ansari funny, you will enjoy the book (and specifically the audiobook).

Other books read this week:

0 thoughts on “Weekly Meeting: Modern Romance

    1. Actually, I think it would make a great CW2 unit. I think Ansari makes it very approachable. I suspect most of our students won’t appreciate the frustrations of really dating yet, but they will get the anxiety of communicating with technology.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.